there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
