well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
