i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
