So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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