Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
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