It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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