the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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