dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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