I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
