I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize