What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
