my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
