she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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