Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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