I smell stomach acid.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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