He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
