I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
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i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
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Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize