my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Randomize
