Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
