Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
