My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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