My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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