i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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