Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
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