I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
