Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
