saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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