he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
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