..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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