I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Princesses don't give blow jobs
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Randomize
