i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
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