That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
this boner is exhausting
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
he's single and there are thong briefs.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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