They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
