I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
