dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
