soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Randomize
