yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
