So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
