This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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