sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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