i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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