I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
My liver just had a heart attack.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
