Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
We left an ass print on the piano.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
