she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
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