I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
