yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
