Welp...herpes.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
