In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Randomize
