Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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