At least make sure they are 18
Why
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
