hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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