I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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