Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
