He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
