Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
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