i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Randomize
