Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
