my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
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