Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
