White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
