if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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