i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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