We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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