My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
