I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
