I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
