did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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