Pappa wants mamma naked
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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