the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
