Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
