Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
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