told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
